Those Black Shadows That Crawl Over Our Lives
Carrying That Load
The relationships we have with people, places and other things, we connect with in our life, impacts us. They can sort of shape us for better or worse.
If you have a good friend, the sort of friend you feel recharged with after you have been with them, maybe you would see this as a helpful, positive connection for your own true self. There are also those people or situations, you may be drawn to, that leave you feeling sometimes great but at other times just sapped of your true vital force, your true self. However strangely sometimes it’s the people or situations that leave us feeling drained that can also be the ones that are just so hard to keep boundaries with.
What is this about?
There can be many reasons for these dynamics and sometimes it’s helpful to get to the bottom of each unique situation. However one thing that can be helpful to notice in these situation is the difficult emotional load that we carry when we connect with a difficult relationship, place or thing in our lives. If we find ourselves habitually connecting to this relationship, or situation, that burden becomes more poignant, it effects other areas of our life like a black shadow that gradually crawls over our life generally. Those areas that had made us smile and laugh before can get imprinted with the stressful energy that the difficult dynamics bring with it. We can find ourselves dealing with painful ongoing stressful triggers in our lives just by our connection to someone else or situation.
Stepping Forward or Stepping Back
Interestingly it is not always the current person or situation in our lives that is creating the difficult feelings for us, as current people or situations in our lives can also unconsciously trigger memories of past difficulties in our childhood. However as we become aware of this there are options available to us. We can manage these situations by either engaging further in the situation and not stepping back to reflect or we can reflect over what is happening to us and take appropriate action. There is no right or wrong answer here just the simple fact that often it is possible to make that choice to do either.
When The Pull is Strong
Sometimes stepping back and withdrawing, when the desire to connect is so strong, can feel desperately impossible, like being a child again, all alone and with no help. There is something here about feeling trapped and controlled by the situation. Shame can often come into this situation as those involved find it hard not being able to let go or be more detached. However sometimes remembering that the emotional pull in these types of relationships or situation can be strong, acknowledging our own vulnerabilities with this, can be enough to help us at least step back from the painful shame that comes with this. Compassion for ourselves is vital in these situations. If we can step back, feel compassion for our own vulnerabilities in terms of emotionally charged relationships or situation then we can give ourselves the permission to ask for support and help. This support and help is out there if we look for it and then ask for it. Knowing that we don’t have to be on our own in these difficult, emotionally charged situations can be a powerful breath of fresh air.