Givers, Takers,Cooperators And Addicts

Givers, Takers,Cooperators And Addicts

Fundamentally, when dealing with human psyche there are three groups that present themselves.

Givers: people who work intensely hard and supporting the fellow man, have a very strong ethical philosophy, moral, and willing to do everything for their fellow human being.

Takers: individuals who have a very parasitic lifestyle. People who take, to meet their own needs and ambitions and they are completely amoral. These self-serving individuals will leave nothing but destruction in their wake, especially when they get what they want. These individuals love givers, because they will find them, and just keep taking, more and more time, effort, money, emotion and physical energy.

I suppose the first two are very common in life, as they quite readily identified through personal experiences, workplaces, and general interactions that you may have with friends and family.

The co-operators: this group is a fine balance between the two, primarily, they are people who are willing to help, but they will ask for a fair trade in return. These individuals work well with givers and will thrive when placed in a situation where there is mutual benefit. Co-operators however, do not work well with takers. A co-operator will always presume someone is a giver, however, when a taker has been identified the reaction is one of adversity. A co-operator will completely shut down any interaction with the taker, thereby ensuring that they are protected from parasitic interactions.

The difficulty with a co-operator, from the perspective of the giver, is in a particular mind there is a striking similarity between the co-operators and the takers. This is usually because when a taker is attempting to get what they want, they may be aggressive, direct, bullying in their quest for power and control. A co-operator will sometimes use similar direct language, and other takers like behaviours to communicate the fact that they will not take any form of shenanigans when dealing with any individual.  This can often be perceived as aggression, or some other undesirable behaviour by the giver and therefore they find it difficult to interact with people who present similar characteristics to individuals who found them in the past.

How to spot the difference between a co-operator and a taker?

The Co-operator will present with the following characteristics: direct, firm, fair, have their own perspective which is not clouded by self-interest, is a person that will take no shenanigans from no one, will assist you when you need and will encourage an equal sharing of give-and-take in the relationship.

The Taker: this individual will be very charming from the outset, very strong and intense in both positive and negative emotion towards you, will constantly make them the focus of your attention, likely to play mind games and other form of emotional control such as exploiting guilt, feigning weakness and other empathetic natures of givers, a one-way relationship: everything good goes their way, their ambitions and self-interest are paramount.

Alas, I cannot assist takers. I do empathise with them, in the sense that they have only been made into takers by example from another taker, abuse both physical and mental,  domestic violence, or some other tragedy within their lives where these individuals saw the only way to get out of it was to fight their way out of it. It does not, however, mean we should fall victim to the predatory -like behaviour, after all, as well as Carpe Diem (seize the day) the Romans also came up with the phrase quid pro quo (something for something). Perhaps we should start exploring the latter alongside Carpe Diem for a more balanced and fair society that promotes good mental health.

When we examine this in terms of addiction it is the addiction which changes our state of mind. If you imagine a giver who was then exposed to something like alcohol, video game, drug or any form of addiction, the addiction starts doing the talking. This is when a giver will change behaviour into a taker, because of the simple fact the addiction of choice sustains the individual’s needs, and even though these emotional needs may be a comfort or something which is beneficial to the individual, the way of securing those means is very taker like.

This makes people feel insecure because it turns what may have been a very honest individual into someone who might be now turning into a frequent flyer, displaying a disregard for other pupils in relationship such as wives, children other families etc. this can be very painful to watch, and even more painful to experience for all parties concerned.

What therapy aims to do in whatever form you decide to take it up is to re-address the balance. It takes us from a state of being a temporary taker, presents those unacceptable forms of behaviour, addresses them, and remind ourselves of our giver like tendencies. The idea is that the individual in therapy will become more balanced in terms of their emotional state, be ever more reflective upon their own behaviour, taking other perspectives to allow them to see the best course of action for them.

There is no guarantee in any form of therapy that you will gain the results that you are after. However, if you are committed, if you are really 100% dedicated to shedding the addictive personality, and breaking free from the taker like traits you can find your own personal renaissance. This enlightenment will not come easily, and there will be tears, there will be struggles as you begin to face yourself, but they will also be joy, liberation, reconnection, and that can be just as strong as any high that you can gain from any addiction.

I wish you the best of luck in finding your own personal renaissance in your quest for better mental health.


Brian Turner

Nick Conn / 2nd April 2018/ Posted in: Latest News

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    Detoxification (detox) is the medical intervention required for someone who is physically dependent to drugs or alcohol. If required, medical detoxification would be the first step taken in residential rehab. Detox is used to prevent uncomfortable and dangerous (even fatal) withdrawals symptoms resulting in suddenly becoming abstinent from alcohol/certain drugs.

    The goal of a medical detox is to aid in the physical healing required following long term addiction and rid the body of all together of substance whilst providing a cushion for unpleasant symptoms of withdrawals. Detox is not considered the whole treatment for drug/alcohol addiction and it is always recommended that a comprehensive rehabilitation program is used along side to help maintain long term abstinence.

    Medication is often required for alcohol detox. If you are dependent on alcohol and experiencing withdrawal symptoms it is vitally important to seek medical advice prior to stopping. There is a long list of medications used when treating alcohol addiction and the exact medication given to an individual will depend on their needs/medical history. Some of these include;

    • Chlordiazepoxide (Librium)
    • Lorazepam (Ativan)
    • Diazapam (vailium)

    Librium and Valium are the most commonly used detox medication in the UK. All medication used to help with alcohol detox have been proven to help reduce the effects of withdrawal symptoms.

    There are also a number of drugs recombined by the NHS to help treat alcohol misuse. Some of these include:

    • Naltrexone
    • Disulfiram (Antabuse)
    • Nalmefene
    • Acamprosate (campral)

    Medication is always required for heroin detox. For someone suffering from heroin addiction, the thought of detoxification (detox) can be exceptionally daunting. Withdrawal symptoms from opiates, such as heroin, can be severe and include pain, vomiting, nausea and shaking.

    There are different ways that heroin detox can be carried out, most usually either ‘maintenance therapy’ or ‘full medical detox’.

    Attempting to switch from heroin to a heroin substitute, usually on a controlled prescription, is known as Maintenance therapy. Subsites used are most often methadone or buprenorphine.

    A full medical detox from heroin will always be carried out in a residential rehab setting and will allow the individual to switch form heroin to a substitute and slowly withdraw completing treatment free of all substances. Someone using a heroin substitute can choose to have a full medical detox at any time, however detoxing substances such a methadone can often add to the length of detox required. Drugs most commonly used to fully detox from heroin are, Subutex, Suboxone and Methadone. Much like alcohol, the exact drugs used will be dependent on the individuals needs/medical history.

    Once detoxed from heroin the risk of overdose is much higher following relapse due to tolerance following withdrawal.

    The length of treatment in a residential rehab depends on a number of elements. Some substances require longer periods of detox than others.

    Private paying patients will also often choose a length of stay that suites their therapeutic and financial needs. As a rule, a full treatment program in a rehab is considered to be 28 days (often referred to as a month), however, treatment is offered in several different ways and lengths starting at 7 days.

    Treating alcohol addiction will always require a minimum of 7-10 days, this would be considered the detoxification (detox) faze. The length required for treating drug addiction can vary drastically depending on the substance being used. Detox for Heroin addiction is generally around 14 days minimum, with more time required if substances such a methadone are being used. Treating prescription drug addiction can often take the longest. The time required for treating gambling addiction, eating disorders and sex addiction will be based on the individuals needs.

    Rehab programs can be as long as an individual requires but primary treatment is normally caped at 12 weeks, with the offering for further secondary and tertiary treatment thereafter.

    *based on average rehab stays, everyone will vary dependant on needs and medical requirement/history.

    There is no need for your employer to know that you are seeking help for trauma and addiction unless you choose to involve them with the process. All employers should have a policy that explains what you do if you cannot come to work due to illness – illness to include treating alcohol addiction/treating drug addiction.

    If your work absence extends over 7 days your employer is likely to require an official statement of fitness to work which would be obtained from your GP. This would need to supply evidence of your illness as well as any adjustments required for returning to work, fazed return or reduced hours, but does not need to specify in detail the reason why you have been absent.

    If you are absent from work for 7 days of less, for example entering rehab for a detoxification (detox) on a Saturday for 7-10 days taking a full week away from work, you can self-certify your illness by letting your employer work you will not be attending work for that period of time. Exactly how an individual would do this would be dependent on a specific companies’ policies on taking sick leave.

    Any time longer than 7 days it is likely an employer will require a note from the individuals GP certifying their sickness and a fit note on return. Most companies have a clearly outlined policy on sickness and receiving sick pay so the exact requirement can vary. A rehab will always be willing to advise on time off work.

    How much does rehab cost is a very frequently asked question. The cost of treatment can range from £1,000 per week upwards depending on the place, with luxury rehab being the most expensive.

    There are free options available on the NHS but the waitlist of those looking for free treatment is longer than that for privately paying patients. Some private health insurance policies will cover treatment in some rehabs around the country.

    Choosing the right rehab centre will often be based on priced but it is important to follow guidance on the most suitable treatment centre for an individual’s needs which our expert team of advisers are on hand to offer.

    There are certainly pro’s for both treatment near by and traveling for treatment with one of the most asked question being should I get rehab near me? There are rehabs all over the UK and around the world that all offer expert programs, let’s look at how to choose a rehab.

    Local treatment

    Being close to home gives certainly has benefits. Visitors are normally permitted in rehab following the first 7 days stay, therefore if an individual is in treatment for a length of time longer than that being local will make it easier for loved ones to visit.

    Most rehab centres will also provide a full aftercare plan for someone following treatment, this will include ongoing aftercare in the specific treatment centre. Living close by can make it easy to take full advantage of ongoing aftercare. There can also often be the option for ongoing care with an individual therapist, again being close by will allow that treatment to be carried out face to face.

    Some individuals wish to be local but are willing to look broader, for instance the greater city of residence (London, Manchester, Liverpool, etc)

    Treatment Away

    Getting treatment away from home can be very appealing to some. Being out of the local area makes it a lot harder to just walk out of treatment as resources locally are unknown. Some also take comfort in knowing that they are not near home and focus more on treatment.

    As the price for treatment can vary so much from one residential treatment centre to another, private paying patients often would rather travel to keep the cost down. Those using private health insurance may also have to travel to find a treatment centre covered in their policy.

    When opting for treatment away from home this can be anywhere in the UK and also abroad. Aftercare can still be carried out and very successful using tools such as The Online Rehab.

    There is no right or wrong when choosing where to go to residential rehab, but our expert advisors are always on hand to help provide information on all possible options.

    Whilst millions of people in the UK have taken recreational drugs (amphetamine, cannabis, cocaine, crack, crystal meth, GHB, heron, ketamine, methadone, and prescription drugs) and drank alcohol not all become ‘addicted’. Most recent reports show that 279,793 individuals were in contact with drug and alcohol misuse services in the last year with over half of that being from opiate addiction and a quarter for alcohol.

    There are several risk factors invoiced in addiction and those using drugs and alcohol socially, simply take the risk. These risks are as follows;

    Tolerance – basically, if a substance is used repeatedly an individual’s tolerance to it will build. This will result in more of the same substance being required to get the same effect. In the long run this can easily lead to addiction and physical dependencies.

    Environmental risks – these can include influences such a peer pressure and stress as well as physical or mental abuse of an individual (particularly as a child). Overall, those who live with frequent pressures and stress are more likely to reach for a substance to cope and are therefore at higher risk of becoming addicted.

    Drug type – it is very well known that certain drugs are simply more addictive than others. Using substances such as heroin increases the risk of becoming addicted for need to ‘chase’ a high as well as physical dependency.

    Drug administration – how a drug is administered can affect its addictive qualities. A drug injected rather than smoked or snorted will release a quicker and more intense high thus making it psychologically (and in many cases physically) more addictive.

    Biological factors – it is now widely reported that being an addict is not only psychological but also biological. This includes your genetic makeup, mental health, sex and age. It is also reported to be 8 times more likely for the child of an addict to become an addict themselves.

    Its believed that addiction is approximately half genetics and therefore some are 50% more likely to become addicted than others.

    How do you help a loved one trapped in addiction?

    The first step is to help and encourage the individual to become willing to accept help. They do not need to be shouting this off the rooftops, but they do need to be willing to go into treatment. There are ways to help someone become willing to get treatment for alcohol or treatment for drugs.

    Set boundaries – set boundaries and stick to them. Once you have laid them out follow through with whatever consequences you have set however hard it is.

    Stop finances – if you are financially supporting someone stopping these finances can be the quickest way for the addict needing to ask for help. With no money to acquire a substance an addict’s options become very limited.

    Intervention – getting together with other family members/friends/colleagues and staging an intervention is often very successful in the fist stage of acceptance and gaining an admission to residential rehab.

    You can’t make them quit, this can lead to dangerous withdrawal. Boundaries are very important in helping someone become willing to get help. Unfortunately you cannot do someone’s recovery for them and without self-motivation it is very hard to make it work.

    The next step is to call our highly trained advisers 0203 955 7700.

    There is a huge range of rehab options available and where to start can be completely over whelming so let us help.