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Help For My Addicted Husband

Finding help for your husband

Do you have an alcoholic husband, or are you scared he has a drug addiction? Has addiction become the primary characteristic of your husband’s identity? Once you were the sole focus of your husband but now you have been superseded. (If you are not sure, you can read our tips on finding out whether your husband is a alcoholic)

It’s one of the hardest battles that anyone has to handle, and it’s not any easier for over 100,000 spouses in the UK who are also handling addiction. So what should you do?

 

alcoholic-husband-400x267 Help For My Addicted Husband

They may not be handling the addiction themselves, but when you are married to someone struggling with addiction, you are often left to pick up the physical and emotional fallout. Given that addiction is a progressive disease that does get worse with time, trying to handle an addicted husband is not simple. Some of the difficulties that have led you to search online for “how to help my addicted husband” include:

Financial Strain

Addiction leads to strain on the household budget as the finances are drained to feed the addiction itself.

Legal Problems

Drug and alcohol addiction can lead to erratic behavior, including driving under the influence and abusive behavior.

Lying

The biggest problem in a marriage is dishonesty, and when you are struggling with how to control alcoholic husband, lying comes part of the addiction package.

Cheating

Being out of control can lead to infidelity in an addict.

Social Withdrawal

Secrecy is often a common trait in addicts, and social withdrawal to hide their addiction is something that happens often.

Communication Issues

Marriage should be a partnership, which means that communication is key. An addict is no longer able to think beyond their next drink or hit, and that breaks down the connection between spouses.

Episodes of Aggression/Mood Swings

Altered moods and behaviour are a common side effect in addicts, and it’s not unusual to see a previously sweet and patient husband turn in an instant.

An addict will always try to keep secrets, hide their behaviour, and sneak around, opening themselves up to a whole new world of lying. They can lose their job, stay out way beyond what’s healthy for them, and get into trouble with the law. They are masters at manipulation, and the addiction will usually twist their usual behaviour into gaslighting and emotional blackmailing behaviours. For a spouse to handle all of this alone is an awful lot, and when you are looking at how to confront an alcoholic, you need support. You need to know that there are addiction and treatment centres out there who can support you as much as they can support your husband.

Dealing With Addiction In Marriage

Almost anyone who has been in a committed relationship or a marriage with a person who has an addiction knows the depth of destruction that addiction takes that marriage. The thing is, addiction isn’t always noticeable until it’s too late. Addiction in a marriage may not even be evident at the start; it also:

  • May not even be a factor at the beginning of the relationship
  • May develop quickly in the relationship
  • May seem reasonable while you’re still in the “get to know you” stage
  • May develop later in the marriage
  • May have been hidden from you for decades

All of these realisations are devastating to a spouse, and it can also make you feel like you are stuck. You are not stuck. Marriage is not a dead weight, and you don’t have to wait until your spouse has nowhere to go but up. It’s your responsibility to handle your own emotions, here, and you need to remember that while you are married, you don’t have to enable the behaviour. Your part in this marriage is through sickness and health, but it is also to refuse to allow self-destruction on your watch. Of course, you are not your spouse’s keeper, but where possible, you should try to talk to your husband. You may be wondering when is it time to leave an alcoholic husband, but before you get that far, finding support and help first is essential. This is where it could be time for an intervention, and this is not something you should handle alone.

How to Stage an Intervention

Planning a meeting between your husband and a circle of friends who care may not always be easy, but it’s the best thing to do to stage an intervention. You need to speak to a residential rehab or treatment centre so that you have a backup ready in case your husband agrees to have addiction treatment. Interventions are usually organised without the knowledge of your husband, and a rehab programme may not be what they initially have in mind afterwards. Intervention meetings need to take place somewhere that your husband can relax. 

This will ensure that he is more malleable to the conversation about to take place, and where possible, every member of the group should be able to provide instances where his behaviour has been unreasonable, destructive or just plain misplaced. This confrontation shouldn’t be loud or aggressive but calm. You should expect your husband to deny the behaviour, to try to run away from the reality. Stay strong and remember to provide consequences. Some of the consequences that you could include may be:

  • “You could lose your job if you continue down this path.”
  • “Your lying is breaking our marriage apart.”
  • “I will support you every step of the way if you choose to enter a rehab programme.”
  • “We have an addiction treatment centre on standby to help you. Take it, or I leave you now.”

These consequences work well when you have the support of Help4Addiction at your side. Pick up the phone before you stage your intervention and call us, and we will be able to help you to find the right rehab centre. If you are worried about how this intervention is going to turn out, it can be better to have a skilled and impartial interventionist with you at the time of the meeting. This is especially important if your spouse is prone to aggression as part of their addiction. The goal is to get them into a rehab centre for addiction treatment and, once their programme is finished, you’ll be able to get the support you need for how to live with a recovering alcoholic husband.

I Need Help For My Alcoholic Husband

Addiction brings chaos to everyday family life. If you find that you need help with your husband’s addiction, then you need to call our helpline on 0203 955 7700. One of our experts can talk you through the problem that you are experiencing and advise on the right help for you. This is our goal – to give you the support that you need at this time. Addiction is an erratic disease, and no spouse should have to cope alone. Without help, it can be a very lonely and isolated existence. An addict cannot connect the dots between the feelings of their spouse and the impact that they are having. There will always be promises from them to be better, to stop the drink/drug, to ask for help, to stop lying. Those promises are more lies 90% of the time. It’s for this reason support is needed, and boundaries need to be set.

How Can I Set Boundaries For My Addicted Spouse

Unfortunately, a spouse has to deal with an addicted partner; they need to set sensible boundaries. You have become the accomplice to the addiction without even realising, but if you start to lay down heavy boundaries, you can break away from this role. You aren’t a partner to a disease anymore, and you don’t have to keep going down this path. This doesn’t mean you have to break your marriage apart, but it does mean that you need to be firm in your help. Your husband has to help himself, too. If he does not attempt to be open to help, your boundaries will be futile.

Instead of allowing any more of the destructive behaviour to impact you, you need to educate yourself. Read everything that you can to do with your husband’s addiction, the consequences, the side effects of rehab, the various rehabilitation options – everything you can get your hands on. Then call us. At Help4Addiction, we can put you in contact with the right rehabilitation service that your husband needs. We can help you to find the services that will support their detox, and we can also offer information on groups to support you, too.

What You Can Do To Stay Proactive

You’re already in a relationship with an addicted spouse, which means you are already familiar with the behaviour addiction brings – no matter how unpredictable. If you plan to stay in this marriage – determined, though you may be – you need these tips to handle this situation and support them while supporting yourself.

Stop The Denial

Addiction is painful. It doesn’t just affect your husband, but it affects you and your children, their job, their friends, the general public (if getting behind the wheel). It’s time to stop turning a blind eye to that. Take your head out of the sand and see the addict that your husband has turned into. Then, take action.

Educate Yourself

We mentioned this earlier, but it’s time to educate yourself. Your husband that you fell in love with is still in there behind the addiction, and all you have to do is learn how to access that person again. Addiction is a disease, and it affects every single person in contact with the disease. The more you know, the better you can handle this. Learn about the available treatments and the rehab centres that can help your husband. This information is valuable to you both.

Understand Codependency

Addiction is a family disease, and it’s not just affecting your husband. You may have considered leaving your husband because of the dependency on their drug or alcohol of choice. The longer you live with someone who is in an active addiction, the more you will become consumed by it. 

Your own behaviour is going to reflect living with an addict, and this is evident in anxiety, impatience, snappiness, and even panic attacks – especially when they don’t come home. When your life is tied to someone with an addiction, you obsess over every single move that they make – which can be devastating to your own health. This is codependency, and you can start to make the changes necessary to get out of that situation without losing your husband whom you love.

Stop Enabling

You may not even know that you’re doing it, but many spouses enable addictive behaviour. Allowing him to use his excuses for his drinking, not helping him to address his behaviour and generally ignoring it is allowing it. You are not responsible for his addiction, but you can do something to help yourself, and that’s not to enable it. Most of the time, enabling has every good intention, but it hurts more than it helps – which isn’t helping anyone at all.

What Next?

At Help4Addiction, we offer a free helpline for those who need help and treatment. We aim to place your husband into a rehab facility that will help him to overcome this addiction that has taken hold. Once he is in treatment, you will be able to continue to be positive and supportive, and there is finally a light at the end of a very long tunnel. You may want to tell your spouse how he hurt you, but it is a hindrance and not a help. You need to let him get through his treatment, and when it’s your turn to head to family therapy, you can ensure that you get your turn to seek help, too.

Your own health and wellbeing are valuable, here, and you have to take time to take care of yourself. Supporting yourself will help, and it will ensure that you hold onto your marriage for as long as you want to do so. Turn to Help4Addiction to point you in the right direction for treatment, call 0203 955 7700 and speak to a consultant today. Addiction may be a disease, but together, we can find a solution.

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Detoxification (detox) is the medical intervention required for someone who is physically dependent to drugs or alcohol. If required, medical detoxification would be the first step taken in residential rehab. Detox is used to prevent uncomfortable and dangerous (even fatal) withdrawals symptoms resulting in suddenly becoming abstinent from alcohol/certain drugs.

The goal of a medical detox is to aid in the physical healing required following long term addiction and rid the body of all together of substance whilst providing a cushion for unpleasant symptoms of withdrawals. Detox is not considered the whole treatment for drug/alcohol addiction and it is always recommended that a comprehensive rehabilitation program is used along side to help maintain long term abstinence.

Medication is often required for alcohol detox. If you are dependent on alcohol and experiencing withdrawal symptoms it is vitally important to seek medical advice prior to stopping. There is a long list of medications used when treating alcohol addiction and the exact medication given to an individual will depend on their needs/medical history. Some of these include;

  • Chlordiazepoxide (Librium)
  • Lorazepam (Ativan)
  • Diazapam (vailium)


Librium and Valium are the most commonly used detox medication in the UK. All medication used to help with alcohol detox have been proven to help reduce the effects of withdrawal symptoms.

There are also a number of drugs recombined by the NHS to help treat alcohol misuse. Some of these include:

  • Naltrexone
  • Disulfiram (Antabuse)
  • Nalmefene
  • Acamprosate (campral)

Medication is always required for heroin detox. For someone suffering from heroin addiction, the thought of detoxification (detox) can be exceptionally daunting. Withdrawal symptoms from opiates, such as heroin, can be severe and include pain, vomiting, nausea and shaking.

There are different ways that heroin detox can be carried out, most usually either ‘maintenance therapy’ or ‘full medical detox’.

Attempting to switch from heroin to a heroin substitute, usually on a controlled prescription, is known as Maintenance therapy. Subsites used are most often methadone or buprenorphine.

A full medical detox from heroin will always be carried out in a residential rehab setting and will allow the individual to switch form heroin to a substitute and slowly withdraw completing treatment free of all substances. Someone using a heroin substitute can choose to have a full medical detox at any time, however detoxing substances such a methadone can often add to the length of detox required. Drugs most commonly used to fully detox from heroin are, Subutex, Suboxone and Methadone. Much like alcohol, the exact drugs used will be dependent on the individuals needs/medical history.

Once detoxed from heroin the risk of overdose is much higher following relapse due to tolerance following withdrawal.

The length of treatment in a residential rehab depends on a number of elements. Some substances require longer periods of detox than others.

Private paying patients will also often choose a length of stay that suites their therapeutic and financial needs. As a rule, a full treatment program in a rehab is considered to be 28 days (often referred to as a month), however, treatment is offered in several different ways and lengths starting at 7 days.

Treating alcohol addiction will always require a minimum of 7-10 days, this would be considered the detoxification (detox) faze. The length required for treating drug addiction can vary drastically depending on the substance being used. Detox for Heroin addiction is generally around 14 days minimum, with more time required if substances such a methadone are being used. Treating prescription drug addiction can often take the longest. The time required for treating gambling addiction, eating disorders and sex addiction will be based on the individuals needs.

Rehab programs can be as long as an individual requires but primary treatment is normally caped at 12 weeks, with the offering for further secondary and tertiary treatment thereafter.

*based on average rehab stays, everyone will vary dependant on needs and medical requirement/history.

There is no need for your employer to know that you are seeking help for trauma and addiction unless you choose to involve them with the process. All employers should have a policy that explains what you do if you cannot come to work due to illness – illness to include treating alcohol addiction/treating drug addiction.

If your work absence extends over 7 days your employer is likely to require an official statement of fitness to work which would be obtained from your GP. This would need to supply evidence of your illness as well as any adjustments required for returning to work, fazed return or reduced hours, but does not need to specify in detail the reason why you have been absent.

If you are absent from work for 7 days of less, for example entering rehab for a detoxification (detox) on a Saturday for 7-10 days taking a full week away from work, you can self-certify your illness by letting your employer work you will not be attending work for that period of time. Exactly how an individual would do this would be dependent on a specific companies’ policies on taking sick leave.

Any time longer than 7 days it is likely an employer will require a note from the individuals GP certifying their sickness and a fit note on return. Most companies have a clearly outlined policy on sickness and receiving sick pay so the exact requirement can vary. A rehab will always be willing to advise on time off work.

How much does rehab cost is a very frequently asked question. The cost of treatment can range from £1,000 per week upwards depending on the place, with luxury rehab being the most expensive.

There are free options available on the NHS but the waitlist of those looking for free treatment is longer than that for privately paying patients. Some private health insurance policies will cover treatment in some rehabs around the country.

Choosing the right rehab centre will often be based on priced but it is important to follow guidance on the most suitable treatment centre for an individual’s needs which our expert team of advisers are on hand to offer.

There are certainly pro’s for both treatment near by and traveling for treatment with one of the most asked question being should I get rehab near me? There are rehabs all over the UK and around the world that all offer expert programs, let’s look at how to choose a rehab.

Local treatment

Being close to home gives certainly has benefits. Visitors are normally permitted in rehab following the first 7 days stay, therefore if an individual is in treatment for a length of time longer than that being local will make it easier for loved ones to visit.

Most rehab centres will also provide a full aftercare plan for someone following treatment, this will include ongoing aftercare in the specific treatment centre. Living close by can make it easy to take full advantage of ongoing aftercare. There can also often be the option for ongoing care with an individual therapist, again being close by will allow that treatment to be carried out face to face.

Some individuals wish to be local but are willing to look broader, for instance the greater city of residence (London, Manchester, Liverpool, etc)

Treatment Away

Getting treatment away from home can be very appealing to some. Being out of the local area makes it a lot harder to just walk out of treatment as resources locally are unknown. Some also take comfort in knowing that they are not near home and focus more on treatment.

As the price for treatment can vary so much from one residential treatment centre to another, private paying patients often would rather travel to keep the cost down. Those using private health insurance may also have to travel to find a treatment centre covered in their policy.

When opting for treatment away from home this can be anywhere in the UK and also abroad. Aftercare can still be carried out and very successful using tools such as The Online Rehab.

There is no right or wrong when choosing where to go to residential rehab, but our expert advisors are always on hand to help provide information on all possible options.

Whilst millions of people in the UK have taken recreational drugs (amphetamine, cannabis, cocaine, crack, crystal meth, GHB, heron, ketamine, methadone, and prescription drugs) and drank alcohol not all become ‘addicted’. Most recent reports show that 279,793 individuals were in contact with drug and alcohol misuse services in the last year with over half of that being from opiate addiction and a quarter for alcohol.

There are several risk factors invoiced in addiction and those using drugs and alcohol socially, simply take the risk. These risks are as follows;

Tolerance – basically, if a substance is used repeatedly an individual’s tolerance to it will build. This will result in more of the same substance being required to get the same effect. In the long run this can easily lead to addiction and physical dependencies.

Environmental risks – these can include influences such a peer pressure and stress as well as physical or mental abuse of an individual (particularly as a child). Overall, those who live with frequent pressures and stress are more likely to reach for a substance to cope and are therefore at higher risk of becoming addicted.

Drug type – it is very well known that certain drugs are simply more addictive than others. Using substances such as heroin increases the risk of becoming addicted for need to ‘chase’ a high as well as physical dependency.

Drug administration – how a drug is administered can affect its addictive qualities. A drug injected rather than smoked or snorted will release a quicker and more intense high thus making it psychologically (and in many cases physically) more addictive.

Biological factors – it is now widely reported that being an addict is not only psychological but also biological. This includes your genetic makeup, mental health, sex and age. It is also reported to be 8 times more likely for the child of an addict to become an addict themselves.

Its believed that addiction is approximately half genetics and therefore some are 50% more likely to become addicted than others.

How do you help a loved one trapped in addiction?

The first step is to help and encourage the individual to become willing to accept help. They do not need to be shouting this off the rooftops, but they do need to be willing to go into treatment. There are ways to help someone become willing to get treatment for alcohol or treatment for drugs.

Set boundaries – set boundaries and stick to them. Once you have laid them out follow through with whatever consequences you have set however hard it is.

Stop finances – if you are financially supporting someone stopping these finances can be the quickest way for the addict needing to ask for help. With no money to acquire a substance an addict’s options become very limited.

Intervention – getting together with other family members/friends/colleagues and staging an intervention is often very successful in the fist stage of acceptance and gaining an admission to residential rehab.

You can’t make them quit, this can lead to dangerous withdrawal. Boundaries are very important in helping someone become willing to get help. Unfortunately you cannot do someone’s recovery for them and without self-motivation it is very hard to make it work.

The next step is to call our highly trained advisers 0203 955 7700.

There is a huge range of rehab options available and where to start can be completely over whelming so let us help.