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Help For My Wife

What This Page Covers show
Is your wife an addict? Here’s how to help a UK Spouse to get treatment for an addiction.
Is your wife an addict?
Spotting the Signs of an Addiction
How to talk about your wife’s addiction?
How to stop enabling a drug or alcohol addicted wife?
Remember to get Support for Yourself
Is your Wife Addicted while Pregnant?
Substance Abuse and Breast Milk
Should you Stage an Intervention?
How to Stage an Intervention for your Wife?
How to Support your Wife through Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation?
What are her Addiction Treatment options?
Inpatient or outpatient treatment?
NHS Assisted Rehab
Full time residential rehab
Luxury Rehab
Helping your Wife through Detox
Helping your Wife through Aftercare
Investing in Family Therapy Programs
Free Consultation on How to Get Help for a Drug/Alcohol Addicted Wife
Where to get further help for an addiction
Frequently Asked Questions
My Wife might be addicted to alcohol, what do I do?
What to do if my wife is taking drugs?
Can my wife take the kids to rehab?
What will happen if my wife does not stop drinking?
What to do to help an addicted spouse or partner?
How long will my wife be in rehab?
Does rehab work?
Am I enabling my wife’s addiction?
How do I stop enabling my loved one’s addiction?
Can I go to rehab with my wife?

Last updated on May 3rd, 2022 at 02:31 pm

Is your wife an addict? Here’s how to help a UK Spouse to get treatment for an addiction.

If you have recently found that your wife isn’t the unique and wonderful person that you married, it may not be anything you have said or done. It is possible that your wife is hiding an addiction, or that she is struggling to cope without turning to substance misuse.

If you think your wife is drinking too much, gambling too much, or has a drug addiction problem, then reading this page is the perfect starting point. You can contact us on the number above if you need further help with your addicted wife.

Is your wife an addict?

Knowledge about addictions can be of immense benefit to you and your wife. The way in which addiction is presented in TV and film is not always accurate and often the depiction falls into cliché and stereotype. It is a good idea to seek out knowledge from experts, professional organisations and support groups.

If your wife is an addict, she might be behaving secretively, hiding spending from you, or be unable to explain where she has been or what she has been doing. However, we know that these signs are also signs of other things. For example, if she were having an affair, she may well hide spending and behaviour from you.

If you are not sure whether your wife’s secretive behaviour means she is an addict or not, look out for the signs of withdrawal, as well as the signs of addiction noted below.

Signs your Wife is in Withdrawal might include:

  •       Anger or extreme mood swings
  •       Shakes and sweats
  •       Insomnia
  •       Anxiety or Depression
  •       Headaches
  •       Cramps[i]

If your wife repeatedly complains of any of these, it might be that she is in withdrawal from drugs or alcohol.

help for my wife

Spotting the Signs of an Addiction

So how do you go about spotting the signs that your wife is an addict? Asides from the withdrawal symptoms, here are some clearly mapped out signs of a drug or alcohol addiction that is being concealed.

Signs of hidden addiction include:

  •       Hiding money or money unaccounted for
  •       Wearing long-sleeved tops in hot weather
  •       Borrowing or stealing from friends or family
  •       Making excuses to be alone
  •       Secretive behaviour such as hiding her phone
  •       Making time for friends only for her to not meet said friends.
  •       Skipping out on work or responsibilities for no apparent reason[ii]

If you recognise any of the behaviours outlined above, you may have an addicted partner. Contact us on 0203 955 7700 to talk about staging an intervention or to find the best rehab clinic near you.

How to talk about your wife’s addiction?

Talking about an addiction is never an easy thing to do but bringing up this difficult conversation has the potential to save her life. Make sure you approach the subject when you are both relaxed and happy and try to avoid placing blame. You can describe your issues without blaming her, otherwise you risk damaging the relationship.

How to stop enabling a drug or alcohol addicted wife?

Enabling is doing things that support your wife’s drug or alcohol addiction. You can support your wife with things like a place to live and food to eat, but you can’t give her money for drugs or alcohol. Anything you do to facilitate her substance abuse – including turning a blind eye to it, puts her at greater risk of long term addiction.

Remember to get Support for Yourself

In the storm of an addict’s recovery, the spouse who is also suffering will feel alone, confused, and frightened. Seeking help and support is often the first step in helping the addict. As the spouse of an addict, there are group-orientated meetings you can attend as well as counselling sessions that focus specifically on the partner’s ordeal as well as offering advice and tips to prevent you from actively or passively enabling your wife’s addiction.

You can go to your GP and mention that you need support. You can speak to a therapist or a close friend. There is also online support available for the spouses of addicts[iii].

Is your Wife Addicted while Pregnant?

If your wife has an addiction and she is pregnant, there is all the more reason to get her the help she needs to quit. Illegal drug and alcohol use during pregnancy increases the chance of your baby being born prematurely or dying within the first few weeks of life[iv]. NHS advice is that you tackle drug or alcohol use when you first find out you are pregnant to minimise risk to the child[v].

Substance Abuse and Breast Milk

If your wife continues to use through her pregnancy, or if she drinks excessively and then breastfeeds the baby, she could be putting your child at risk[vi]. You can learn more about the implications of being addicted to drink or drugs from birth on our site.

Should you Stage an Intervention?

If you are concerned that your wife’s addiction is getting out of control, an intervention might be the answer. You should only use this tool if you are certain that your wife is addicted to something. You can tell her about it and invite her to attend, or you can surprise her.

How to Stage an Intervention for your Wife?

You can stage an intervention for a drug or alcohol addict by gathering together some of their closest friends and family. Anyone who can support them through their recovery should be invited – but only those who understand that this is going to take work.

Gather everyone together for a rehearsal, encouraging them to write down anything they want to say to your wife. Interventions usually take one of two forms: the focus is on the addict, or the focus is on the group. When the focus is on the addict, your group should talk about how they have changed since their drug use began[vii].

When the focus is on the group, mentioning all the way our addicted spouse has hurt them because of addiction is the best path.

How to Support your Wife through Drug and Alcohol Rehabilitation?

Your wife may need to go to a rehab clinic[viii]. If this is her best chance at treatment success, sending her to rehab is necessary for her treatment plan. You should support her wherever you can, including by taking over some of her vital responsibilities while she is away. You can’t go to work for her, but you can look after your pets and children, take care of her elderly parents, or otherwise stand in for her.

What are her Addiction Treatment options?

Your wife has many treatment options available for her addiction. You can read about some of them below.

Inpatient or outpatient treatment?

Your wife can be seen as an inpatient or as an outpatient for her addiction. If she opts down the NHS treatment path, then there’s a high chance she will be expected to attend outpatient treatment first. Outpatient might include attending group or psychotherapy sessions at a clinic. It might mean going to a dayhab facility or seeing an alcohol counsellor. If all else fails, the NHS will send you to a private rehab clinic as long as you foot some of the bill.

NHS Assisted Rehab

NHS assisted rehab is the budget option and it doesn’t happen often. The NHS want you to prove that every other method of addiction treatment hasn’t worked for you before they will sign you up to this type of rehab clinic.

NHS assisted rehab takes place in a private rehab clinic where you will share a room. You will have access to the same range of critical care services as private clients have. The NHS will partially fund this rehab care and you will pay the rest. Typically, this amounts to £1,400 per week but may be more.

Full time residential rehab

A full time, residential rehab clinic is almost always going to be private. This requires private health insurance to cover some of the bill unless you want to pay for it by yourself. Rehab costs amount to anything from £3,000 to £8,000 per week spent in rehab. You will live in or live offsite and travel, and you will spend most of your time within the clinic or the rehab environment.

Luxury Rehab

A luxury rehab clinic will have a wider choice in holistic therapies and extra-curricular activities than a private or NHS program. Although the attention to your treatment will be the same across all types of rehab clinic, it is the luxury rehab option that allows you to recover from drugs or alcohol in the most comfortable way.

Helping your Wife through Detox

The detox process is the first official stage of recovery from an addiction. After your partner has admitted she has a problem, it is time to get them into a detox program. This program will help them get off drink or drugs in a safe and healthy way. It may be medically assisted to make it easier if you go through detox in a clinic, rather than on your own. In some cases, detoxing at home can be dangerous. In others, it is possible for mild addictions.

Helping your Wife through Aftercare

Aftercare is the transitional period when your wife has finished rehab and is tyring to return to her normal life. To help her through this period, pick a rehab clinic with a supportive aftercare program. A good program contains therapy sessions and day-to-day support and should last for as long as a full year.

Investing in Family Therapy Programs

Your wife’s addiction will undoubtedly have caused you a lot of heartaches not to mention countless moments where you have justifiably felt aggrieved. It would be best to work this pain and anger into forgiveness through seeking advice[ix]. It is important not to hold on to your resentment as that may prevent both of you from healing and moving forward. Investing in family therapy can help this process[x].

Free Consultation on How to Get Help for a Drug/Alcohol Addicted Wife

We offer free consultations to those who believe their husband, wife, son, daughter, child, friend or colleague may be addicted to drugs, alcohol, or something behavioural (like sex or gambling). You can call us for free advice that leaves you with no obligation to take it. Use our online consultation form and one of our rehab clinic experts will get back to you with help.

Where to get further help for an addiction

Help4Addiction are a specialised rehab selection service which can find the ideal rehab clinic for your wife, in just a few minutes. Call us today on 0203 955 7700 to find the right rehab clinic in England and Wales for your wife.

 

[i] https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-withdrawal-how-long-does-it-last-63036

[ii] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323459

[iii] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/addiction-and-dependency/addiction-and-dependency-resources/

[iv] https://www.nhsinform.scot/ready-steady-baby/pregnancy/looking-after-yourself-and-your-baby/taking-drugs-in-pregnancy

[v] https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/keeping-well/illegal-drugs/

[vi] https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/breastfeeding-and-bottle-feeding/breastfeeding-and-lifestyle/alcohol/

[vii] https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/in-depth/intervention/art-20047451

[viii] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323468

[ix] https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/advice-for-the-families-of-drug-users/

[x] https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323468

Frequently Asked Questions

My Wife might be addicted to alcohol, what do I do?

 If you think your wife is addicted to alcohol, you can read more on alcohol addiction through our pages. You might also attend your GP for advice or skip ahead and book your spouse into a private rehab clinic.

What to do if my wife is taking drugs?

 If you think your wife is taking drugs, have a conversation with her about your fears. Be gentle and non-accusatory. Your wife will either heed your advice or require an intervention. You can help her by recommending our service and together we can try and get her into drug rehab.

Can my wife take the kids to rehab?

No, you will have to get a sitter. On the other hand, your wife could get rehab as an outpatient, which fits around her day.

What will happen if my wife does not stop drinking?

Liver disease is the usual result of alcoholism. This can lead to liver failure and eventually, to death. Her health will degenerate, her quality of life will lessen, she will lose most of what makes her, herself.

What to do to help an addicted spouse or partner?

If you want to help your significant other to get help to fight addiction, take note of our number and pass it on to her (0203 955 7700). We can help match her with a UK based rehab clinic that will meet her needs.

How long will my wife be in rehab?

Rehab for an addiction can last whole years. Normally, the symptoms will be manageable within 28 days, the bulk of the treatment will end after three months, and after care will be in place thereafter. 

 Does rehab work?

Rehab has a high success rate. Inpatient rehab has a slightly higher success rate to outpatient rehab. It is possible to relapse and there is no shame in this. If you slip, go back to the beginning and keep trying. Rehab works, you just must keep at it.

 Am I enabling my wife’s addiction?

 If you are giving your partner money that is being used for drink or drugs, then you might be enabling them. It is not always deliberate, but it can still be damaging.

 How do I stop enabling my loved one’s addiction?

Weigh up each thing they ask of you and engage reality checking. Is it your job to do the things they ask you to do? Are they taking advantage? If the answer is yes, or there is any hint of manipulation, say no and maintain your position.

 Can I go to rehab with my wife?

 Some rehab clinics in the UK offer partner and relationship counselling. If you want to attend one of these, be sure to inform our service when you contact our team.

Author

Nick Conn

Nicholas Conn is a leading industry addiction expert who runs the UK’s largest addiction advisory service and is regularly featured in the national press, radio and TV. He has been clean himself since 2009 and has worked in the Addiction and Rehab Industry for over a decade. Nick is dedicated to helping others recover and get treatment for drug and alcohol abuse. In 2013, he released a book ‘The Thin White’ line that is available on Amazon.

Doctor’s View

There are as many alcoholic women as there are alcoholic men. But they hide away. Or are hidden.

My mother’s mother died of alcoholism. The prior death of her husband left her with three young children. My mother, at the age of six, in 1909, became the woman of the house.

Many things (in terms of health, social services and availability of financial support) have changed since then.

But perceptions in society haven’t changed much. A drunken man is a stupid sot. Not much more. And maybe a bit of a laugh. A drunken woman is a disgrace.

Acknowledging that one has an alcoholic wife is very difficult. “What did you do that drove her to it?” and many more demeaning questions will come your way, even if you are not already asking them of yourself.

The illness has been around since Man fermented grapes and honey. (Genesis X records how Noah lay on his back, naked in his tent, in the heat of the day, having tasted the fruits of the vine. That wasn’t ‘sensible drinking’.) It’s not going to go away. But social and clinical attitudes have to change.

Love your wife just the same as you would if she had cancer or heart disease.

And get help for yourself in Al-Anon Family Groups.

By modifying your own insights, you will help your wife to get the best chance of modifying hers.

Medically Reviewed By:

Dr Robert Lefever

Dr. Robert Lefever is a world leading addictions specialist. He is the foremost expert for addiction treatment. He has personally been in recovery from all substances since the 12th October 1984.

He created the first rehab in the UK to look at all addiction in 1986. Dr. Robert Lefever wrote with Professor Geoffrey Stephenson the masters degree course in addiction psychology at London South Bank University, this was the first of its kind and one of the most highly regarded courses that a therapist can do today.

Robert is also a TED speaker, author, composer and still remains an addiction treatment counsellor.
Last Medically Reviewed On: 8/4/2021
Due to be Reviewed On: 8/4/2023

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