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Self-Care for Spouses: Dealing with Addiction

Self-Care for Spouses: Dealing with Addiction

One of the most commonly overlooked implications behind addiction is the impact it has on the people that we love. Our partners, our lovers, our spouses – whatever you call the most significant person in your life – they are suffering too. Rather than wallow in the guilt that comes from being at the perceived centre of their misery; let’s talk today about some constructive ways we can help them with self-care.

Addiction is hard on your Loved Ones

It doesn’t matter what way you look at it; alcohol addiction and substance abuse hit hardest on those closest to home. The ones that spend most time with us, that live under the same roof, and that we claim to love, are often those who put up with the most when addiction strikes. Worse; if your loved ones are the ones that checked you into alcohol rehab in Fulham then they are probably suffering from just as much guilt as you are.

In order to help you understand both where your loved ones are coming from, and what they have to endure; counselling will be a big part of any drug rehab. Educating both them and yourselves regarding each other’s current feelings and thoughts can really help to soothe things over. The most important part of a relationship surviving addiction is communication. If you can always talk to one another, you can always work together.

So is it a losing battle? Is any relationship with an addict doomed? Psychology Today says not. Although the world seems to be against the spouses of addicts; some relationships do survive addiction. The numbers, however, are not in your favour. Some of the addiction in the UK figures are terrifying…

  • 5 per cent of all adults in England and Wales took an illicit drug last year.
  • 2016 saw 2,593 drug related deaths in the same area. A 58% increase from 2006.
  • 24% of school aged children admit to having taken an illicit drug by the time they are fifteen.[i]

With the numbers already looking grim, it is no wonder that some of us will end up supporting a loved one through their addiction. However, that does not mean to say that we should isolate ourselves, or that the partners of those suffering from addiction should take any less care of themselves than they are of everyone else.

Self-Care for Spouses with Addictive Partners

The upshot of all of this is that it isn’t just the addicts in our lives that need a bit of support now and again. When you are stretching yourself thinner and thinner to accommodate someone else and their needs; it becomes vital that you take a regular time out. Making self- care a regular part of your routine may help to do just that… but what exactly do we mean by self-care and how do you go about getting it?

Here are some basic tips to help you get started.

Basic Self-Care Tips for Spouses

1 – Learn to Say “No”

This is the biggest self-care tip for anyone suffering through a partner’s addiction. Over time you will learn the difference between being there for someone, and enabling them to go out and score. The more you develop your ability to say no to them, the easier this will be.

Anyone interested in psychology that is also dealing with addiction in Glasgow or the UK, should consider reading about Transactional Analysis. In particular, the Drama Triangle is an effective way of accurately encapsulating your partner’s psychology while they are in the addictive state. You cannot respond to them in the same patterns as you have before because this has enabled them to keep using. Changing the patterns of behaviour can seriously benefit everyone, all-round. Understanding transactions between you and your addicted spouse can be of help in this case.

2 – Take a Time Out

Whenever you need to, be aware that you are allowed to walk away for a while. Just like in any situation, when you have had enough there is no point in pushing the matter further. You will end up resentful of your partner. Instead, remove yourself from the situation until you feel calm enough to deal with it in a rational manner.

If that takes two weeks and a holiday somewhere warm – then so be it!

3 – Remember Your Hobbies?

Do you remember what your hobbies are? How long has it been since you last spent an afternoon enjoying one of them, just for yourself? When we become embroiled in helping another person achieve day-to-day survival we forget the things that are important to us… the things that make them adore us in the first place. Take time to remember yourself. The best way to do this is by enjoying some of the things you used to enjoy. It gives you a chance to remember what it is you have to look forward to.

4 – Ask For Help

You are also in a vulnerable position. While your partner might be suffering from physical withdrawal, you are suffering in other ways. You are no longer receiving the same level of love and attention you once were. You may find that you are now the breadwinner or sole earner. It may even be that you are facing an uphill struggle to simply keep a roof over your head.

You are not alone. Ask for help. Call us right now on 0203 955 7700 – even if all you need is a frustrated chat to vent some emotion. Ask for help. Your friends and family don’t see everything that goes on. It might even be wise to see a counsellor of your own? If you feel like you need some extra help then reach out? Tell your GP you feel overwhelmed and they can assist you. Tell your friends you are struggling and you will soon find your burden shared.

Don’t go it alone. It isn’t worth it and you don’t need to. Life as the spouse of an addict is already tough enough.

Are you struggling to Support Someone You Love?

If you are struggling to support someone you love through drug or alcohol addiction then we can help. Call us today on 0203 955 7700 for free, impartial, and helpful advice. You are not alone. Together we stand stronger against the destructive force of addiction in the UK.

[i] https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/publications/statistical/statistics-on-drug-misuse/2018

Related Posts:

Dipesh Pattni / 18th December 2019/ Posted in: Latest News

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    Detoxification (detox) is the medical intervention required for someone who is physically dependent to drugs or alcohol. If required, medical detoxification would be the first step taken in residential rehab. Detox is used to prevent uncomfortable and dangerous (even fatal) withdrawals symptoms resulting in suddenly becoming abstinent from alcohol/certain drugs.

    The goal of a medical detox is to aid in the physical healing required following long term addiction and rid the body of all together of substance whilst providing a cushion for unpleasant symptoms of withdrawals. Detox is not considered the whole treatment for drug/alcohol addiction and it is always recommended that a comprehensive rehabilitation program is used along side to help maintain long term abstinence.

    Medication is often required for alcohol detox. If you are dependent on alcohol and experiencing withdrawal symptoms it is vitally important to seek medical advice prior to stopping. There is a long list of medications used when treating alcohol addiction and the exact medication given to an individual will depend on their needs/medical history. Some of these include;

    • Chlordiazepoxide (Librium)
    • Lorazepam (Ativan)
    • Diazapam (vailium)


    Librium and Valium are the most commonly used detox medication in the UK. All medication used to help with alcohol detox have been proven to help reduce the effects of withdrawal symptoms.

    There are also a number of drugs recombined by the NHS to help treat alcohol misuse. Some of these include:

    • Naltrexone
    • Disulfiram (Antabuse)
    • Nalmefene
    • Acamprosate (campral)

    Medication is always required for heroin detox. For someone suffering from heroin addiction, the thought of detoxification (detox) can be exceptionally daunting. Withdrawal symptoms from opiates, such as heroin, can be severe and include pain, vomiting, nausea and shaking.

    There are different ways that heroin detox can be carried out, most usually either ‘maintenance therapy’ or ‘full medical detox’.

    Attempting to switch from heroin to a heroin substitute, usually on a controlled prescription, is known as Maintenance therapy. Subsites used are most often methadone or buprenorphine.

    A full medical detox from heroin will always be carried out in a residential rehab setting and will allow the individual to switch form heroin to a substitute and slowly withdraw completing treatment free of all substances. Someone using a heroin substitute can choose to have a full medical detox at any time, however detoxing substances such a methadone can often add to the length of detox required. Drugs most commonly used to fully detox from heroin are, Subutex, Suboxone and Methadone. Much like alcohol, the exact drugs used will be dependent on the individuals needs/medical history.

    Once detoxed from heroin the risk of overdose is much higher following relapse due to tolerance following withdrawal.

    The length of treatment in a residential rehab depends on a number of elements. Some substances require longer periods of detox than others.

    Private paying patients will also often choose a length of stay that suites their therapeutic and financial needs. As a rule, a full treatment program in a rehab is considered to be 28 days (often referred to as a month), however, treatment is offered in several different ways and lengths starting at 7 days.

    Treating alcohol addiction will always require a minimum of 7-10 days, this would be considered the detoxification (detox) faze. The length required for treating drug addiction can vary drastically depending on the substance being used. Detox for Heroin addiction is generally around 14 days minimum, with more time required if substances such a methadone are being used. Treating prescription drug addiction can often take the longest. The time required for treating gambling addiction, eating disorders and sex addiction will be based on the individuals needs.

    Rehab programs can be as long as an individual requires but primary treatment is normally caped at 12 weeks, with the offering for further secondary and tertiary treatment thereafter.

    *based on average rehab stays, everyone will vary dependant on needs and medical requirement/history.

    There is no need for your employer to know that you are seeking help for trauma and addiction unless you choose to involve them with the process. All employers should have a policy that explains what you do if you cannot come to work due to illness – illness to include treating alcohol addiction/treating drug addiction.

    If your work absence extends over 7 days your employer is likely to require an official statement of fitness to work which would be obtained from your GP. This would need to supply evidence of your illness as well as any adjustments required for returning to work, fazed return or reduced hours, but does not need to specify in detail the reason why you have been absent.

    If you are absent from work for 7 days of less, for example entering rehab for a detoxification (detox) on a Saturday for 7-10 days taking a full week away from work, you can self-certify your illness by letting your employer work you will not be attending work for that period of time. Exactly how an individual would do this would be dependent on a specific companies’ policies on taking sick leave.

    Any time longer than 7 days it is likely an employer will require a note from the individuals GP certifying their sickness and a fit note on return. Most companies have a clearly outlined policy on sickness and receiving sick pay so the exact requirement can vary. A rehab will always be willing to advise on time off work.

    How much does rehab cost is a very frequently asked question. The cost of treatment can range from £1,000 per week upwards depending on the place, with luxury rehab being the most expensive.

    There are free options available on the NHS but the waitlist of those looking for free treatment is longer than that for privately paying patients. Some private health insurance policies will cover treatment in some rehabs around the country.

    Choosing the right rehab centre will often be based on priced but it is important to follow guidance on the most suitable treatment centre for an individual’s needs which our expert team of advisers are on hand to offer.

    There are certainly pro’s for both treatment near by and traveling for treatment with one of the most asked question being should I get rehab near me? There are rehabs all over the UK and around the world that all offer expert programs, let’s look at how to choose a rehab.

    Local treatment

    Being close to home gives certainly has benefits. Visitors are normally permitted in rehab following the first 7 days stay, therefore if an individual is in treatment for a length of time longer than that being local will make it easier for loved ones to visit.

    Most rehab centres will also provide a full aftercare plan for someone following treatment, this will include ongoing aftercare in the specific treatment centre. Living close by can make it easy to take full advantage of ongoing aftercare. There can also often be the option for ongoing care with an individual therapist, again being close by will allow that treatment to be carried out face to face.

    Some individuals wish to be local but are willing to look broader, for instance the greater city of residence (London, Manchester, Liverpool, etc)

    Treatment Away

    Getting treatment away from home can be very appealing to some. Being out of the local area makes it a lot harder to just walk out of treatment as resources locally are unknown. Some also take comfort in knowing that they are not near home and focus more on treatment.

    As the price for treatment can vary so much from one residential treatment centre to another, private paying patients often would rather travel to keep the cost down. Those using private health insurance may also have to travel to find a treatment centre covered in their policy.

    When opting for treatment away from home this can be anywhere in the UK and also abroad. Aftercare can still be carried out and very successful using tools such as The Online Rehab.

    There is no right or wrong when choosing where to go to residential rehab, but our expert advisors are always on hand to help provide information on all possible options.

    Whilst millions of people in the UK have taken recreational drugs (amphetamine, cannabis, cocaine, crack, crystal meth, GHB, heron, ketamine, methadone, and prescription drugs) and drank alcohol not all become ‘addicted’. Most recent reports show that 279,793 individuals were in contact with drug and alcohol misuse services in the last year with over half of that being from opiate addiction and a quarter for alcohol.

    There are several risk factors invoiced in addiction and those using drugs and alcohol socially, simply take the risk. These risks are as follows;

    Tolerance – basically, if a substance is used repeatedly an individual’s tolerance to it will build. This will result in more of the same substance being required to get the same effect. In the long run this can easily lead to addiction and physical dependencies.

    Environmental risks – these can include influences such a peer pressure and stress as well as physical or mental abuse of an individual (particularly as a child). Overall, those who live with frequent pressures and stress are more likely to reach for a substance to cope and are therefore at higher risk of becoming addicted.

    Drug type – it is very well known that certain drugs are simply more addictive than others. Using substances such as heroin increases the risk of becoming addicted for need to ‘chase’ a high as well as physical dependency.

    Drug administration – how a drug is administered can affect its addictive qualities. A drug injected rather than smoked or snorted will release a quicker and more intense high thus making it psychologically (and in many cases physically) more addictive.

    Biological factors – it is now widely reported that being an addict is not only psychological but also biological. This includes your genetic makeup, mental health, sex and age. It is also reported to be 8 times more likely for the child of an addict to become an addict themselves.

    Its believed that addiction is approximately half genetics and therefore some are 50% more likely to become addicted than others.

    How do you help a loved one trapped in addiction?

    The first step is to help and encourage the individual to become willing to accept help. They do not need to be shouting this off the rooftops, but they do need to be willing to go into treatment. There are ways to help someone become willing to get treatment for alcohol or treatment for drugs.

    Set boundaries – set boundaries and stick to them. Once you have laid them out follow through with whatever consequences you have set however hard it is.

    Stop finances – if you are financially supporting someone stopping these finances can be the quickest way for the addict needing to ask for help. With no money to acquire a substance an addict’s options become very limited.

    Intervention – getting together with other family members/friends/colleagues and staging an intervention is often very successful in the fist stage of acceptance and gaining an admission to residential rehab.

    You can’t make them quit, this can lead to dangerous withdrawal. Boundaries are very important in helping someone become willing to get help. Unfortunately you cannot do someone’s recovery for them and without self-motivation it is very hard to make it work.

    The next step is to call our highly trained advisers 0203 955 7700.

    There is a huge range of rehab options available and where to start can be completely over whelming so let us help.