What is enabling your child?

Enabling your child is turning a blind eye to bad behaviours out of your love for them, even though those behaviours are likely to result in long term harm.

What are examples of enabling your child?

If you give them money knowing they will spend it on drugs or alcohol, then you are enabling them to continue with their addiction.

Should I stop giving my child money for drink or drugs?

You should stop giving your child money for drink or drugs. Instead, offer to buy them the things they say they are going to spend it on directly, like gas, electricity, or food.

How do I stop enabling them?

The first step is to recognise when you are doing it. If you feel at any point that they are using your love of them to score a hit, you need to stop what you are doing and walk away until you are calmer.

What is so wrong with being an enabler?

You believe that you are acting out of love, but instead your loving actions are causing harm.

What are some examples of being an enabler?

If you feed an obese child a high fat diet, you are an enabler. If you give your child money knowing they are lying about what it is being spent on, that is enabling. IF you allow them to manipulate you into doing what they want to do, you are enabling them.

What can it hurt to enable an addict?

Enabling an addict leads to a deeper addiction, an unbalanced relationship, and only one of you feeling good about things.

What are the signs of being used?

If you are cleaning up other people’s messes often, making excuses for them, or letting them lie to you without confrontation, then you are likely being used.

What is the link between addiction and enabling your child?

The more you enable your child, and they get what they want, the more likely they are to explore forbidden boundaries, including addictions.

How do I stop being the enabler?

Learn to say no to anything that is not expressly beneficial to you. It sounds selfish, but this is exactly how you are being used. Once you change the boundaries of what you are willing to except, you will soon find they rely on someone else.

Stop Enabling a Drug Addicted Child

Author

Nick Conn is a leading industry addiction expert, author of the Thin White Line. Nick is regularly featured in the national press, radio, and TV. He has worked in the Addiction and Rehab Industry for over 8 years and is dedicated to helping others recover and get treatment for Drug and Alcohol Abuse.

The ‘Thin White Line’ available at Amazon : https://amzn.to/2Ip2mIW

Doctor’s View

I remember a father telling me that he was aware his son knew the combination to the safe. And he always put a bundle of uncounted notes into it. His determined hope was that his son would not have to commit crimes in order to get his daily supply of drugs.

I asked what he thought would happen if an alcoholic was given a free daily six-pack. Would he be content with that? Or use it as a starter?

The man didn’t come back to see me. He was not happy to have his own behaviour confronted.

From my perspective, I feel I need to do what I believe is best for both father and son in putting an end to the charade and facing reality.

People can grow out of habits. My fingernails need cutting because I don’t bite them nowadays. But my eating disorder is alive and well and living in Robert, biding its time until I relax my daily vigilance.

I don’t do addictive things. But I’m still a fully paid-up member of the Addicts Club.

My eyes themselves were short-sighted regardless of whether I was wearing my specs.

A motor-cycle despatch rider patient of mine was as short-sighted as I am. He told me he enjoyed driving in and out of traffic without wearing his specs or lenses. He got a buzz from not knowing where the horn blasts were coming from.

I think I disappointed him when I didn’t react. I’ve heard so many stories – and known so many tragedies – I do what I can to help each patient and family. And then I move on to helping the next.

Some want my help. Others don’t.

Medically Reviewed By:

Dr. Robert Lefever is a world leading addictions specialist. He is the foremost expert for addiction treatment. He has personally been in recovery from all substances since the 12th October 1984.

He created the first rehab in the UK to look at all addiction in 1986. Dr. Robert Lefever wrote with Professor Geoffrey Stephenson the masters degree course in addiction psychology at London South Bank University, this was the first of its kind and one of the most highly regarded courses that a therapist can do today.

Robert is also a TED speaker, author, composer and still remains an addiction treatment counsellor.
Last Medically Reviewed On: 09/04/2021
Due to be Reviewed On: 09/04/2023

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